Christmas....

With the holidays so quickly approaching I think that it is only right that I take the time to look back upon my finances for the year. It was my goal that I end the year on a bright note with less debt than I went into the year with.
Unfortunately that is not occurring... but hey I was able to capture another paying job and get an increase at my current.... that definitely counts as an increase for the year......

So my extreme goals for the end of the year are as follows:
1. Spend less
2. Pay-down some credit cards
3. Improve my credit score
4. Purchase a Rabbit for my apartment. (shhh... don't tell I'm not supposed to have animals.)
5. Clean my room....

These are by no means New Year Resolutions ( those will be coming later) just things that I feel that I need to accomplish.... don't you hate when you work too much and you still feel the need to make more money... maybe im just greedy.

Life Lessons Learned....

This poem is for those life lessons learned:

We were just friends
although in my world I was his girl
and I would pretend to be his wife
sayin shit like
"there's only so many years in a woman's life..."
so I gave him three
yet he had the audacity
to step to me on some donnell jones
"where I wanna be" type shit
it wasn't supposed to be like this
he hit me with the forehead kiss
told me life was a journey
and that he was ready to explore this shit
I was pissed
to me he was a hypocrite
like a fake preacher in a pulpit
and he left me sick
no he didn't choose me
and that doesn't make him right nor wrong
and I made him the epitome of my life
that doesn't make me wrong nor right
like I said
I WAS HIS FRIEND, NOT HIS WIFE.
and maybe had I acted
within that capacity
this would've been "just one of those things"
instead of a fuckin' tragedy.
and all that time I spent mad at him
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN MAD AT ME.
after all I was the one that gave him keys to my house
and let him hang things in my closet
just in case we went out
not to mention washin all his dirty clothes
just to make a full load
and lettin him finish all the leftovers
so the food wouldn't go old
for the times that we raw dogged
cuz he lost all the rubbers
and cuz I showed him more support than his own
father brother sister and mother
and just cuz those same people dial my number
when they tryna get in touch
and cuz he receives mail at my address
cuz he be here so much
got total control of the remote control
to the TV, dvd and radio
and even though his name is not on my lease
he got shit in my house that's off limits to me
like his side of MY BED
and his stash of weed
BUT NONE OF THIS OBLIGATES HIM TO ME
because not once did we exchange vows
and IF I KNEW THEN WHAT I KNOW NOW
I probably would've listened
when he said it was some shit he had to
get up out his system
but I was too busy bitchin
jumpin bad like I was gon' hit him
cuz in the back of my mind
all I could fathom was how bad I was gonna miss him
but just because I'm cryin doesn't mean that I'm the victim
just means I was scared to let him go
cuz some other chick might get him
and that was my fault cuz it was my decision
I SHOULD HAVE NEVER PUT MY HEART IN MY MIND'S POSITION
but I couldn't shake him
he was like a bad habit
AND ALL THIS FOR A NIGGA WHO WAS JUST AVERAGE
DOING AVERAGE NIGGA SHIT
like talkin' out the side of his neck
and thinkin with his dick
but I must admit he was the one I wanted to commit to
so either I wasn't living up to my potential
or I was just the average chick
but I choose to believe I was a woman
caught up in a feeling both physical and emotional
who was way too willing to give her all to a man
and though it may sound stupid
I WOULD DO IT ALL AGAIN
JUST NEXT TIME, FOR MY HUSBAND
AND NOT THAT NIGGA I CALL MY FRIEND.

Sometimes you have to stop feeling guilty and realize that that nigga ain't bout shit and never was..... I didn't write this poem but it flows like the situation that I was in... but now I'm older, wiser and not settling for nothing but the best.... I something like this happened to you please comment.... all men aren't bad... they just aren't sure how to be good.

Last Week of School

Well this is the last week of school before Fall semester finals. I can't believe that it is finally over and that I am just that much closer to graduation. (remind me that I said this in a month or two). So many of the goals that I have set out to accomplish this semester are in the works but unclear of an outcome... Hopefully something good will come from them.

So going into finals I have two classes where I have 89s as my average pre-final. Not that safe 90 but an 89. God has smiled on me this week and I hope that he continues to do so next week.

Anyway i'm praying many blessings for everyone as Finals week Fall 2k5 Comes around...
Keep yah Head up!!!!

The envelope....

I think that I have finally pushed the envelope to far and I really don't think I can fix this..... I'm not really sure if I'm even supposed to want to fix this.
Even with all of the problems that I have in my life I had to go and lay some of those problems on someone else. I really wish that I could take it all back but I can't. I can't fix it either because I think that I'm right.... and in a way I am. Compromise is something that will not work in this situation... I need to stop being a weepy female..but I can't..... I need a vacation.. Hopefully Christmas Break will be better than the last 4 months.

Focus.....

I'm completely losing focus....
Can't get it together I have atleast three more weeks in school before I can relax.... I hoping that this mental break over the Thanksgiving Holiday will be enough to shake off the blinders... but I'm not sure.
Couldn't make it to class today...only made one and that was biochem because I can't miss that one ( my teacher is a little loopy.) But hey I'm trying to make a good impression....
I hope that I can get this thing under control... if anyone has any recommendations on how to regain focus let me know.

School... I wish it was all over

One time early this semester I said that I didn't believe that I was suffering from Senioritis... but now I believe that I am...

I just want everything to be over.(school wise I mean) I want to sleep in and read a good book( other than a textbook) and go to the movies with my friends and just enjoy hanging out with them....
It's more than just school though because I know that I would have time for some of those things listed above it it wasn't for my jobs. All I can really think about is the fact that in a few short months I will be able to say goodbye to everything and REST!!!. Until then I'm stuck feeling tired and working my butt off.
So speaking of Graduation I'm starting to get prepared turning in all of my paperwork... and getting my medical school applications together.
You know what I just looked at my picture and I realized that I was kinda greasy looking on my birthday... ( I really should take that picture down)... Ok I'll stop being so vain.
My mother called me to tell me to start preparing for the mass invasion of all my relatives coming in for my graduation.... so I asked her who all was coming.
She starts naming names and going on and on about different friends and family and I was beginning to get overwhelmed.... all I could think about was where are all of these people going to stay that weekend.. I mean my apartment is only so large.
So talking to some of my homegirls later on that day and I find out that almost all of the hotels are booked for that weekend...... ( Nightmare)
So now I have to search through the yellowpages for hotels rooms at the various hotels for that weekend and I still have no clue how many people are coming down here for the graduation. My job situation is still a little out of control but I'm going to fix that reall sooon.

Its My Birthday

WoooHooo.....
It's My birthday the one day of the year when I don't have to care about anyone elses feelings because this is my day.....
I have received some many well wishes today and I can truly say that I am blessed to have as many friends as I do...
I won't write long because I have work to do but this is me on my day..... so bow down...heeee

Knowing where your Problems Lie

I've spent the last couple of days trying to figure out whats wrong with the life that I am leading. Am I overworked, tired, stressed, and cranky;or am I just being tried by the devil and this is just a test to see how well I perform.
My answer came today in the form of a message. The problems that I have are not problems of the flesh... but represent the struggle within myself, the ultimate struggle of redemption and acceptance. What I had forgotten was that I am a child of God, and no man can stand against me because I am covered in the full mantle of his glory.
So the message that I proclaim today is that everything that I do.. I do because I want to and in infinite grace.. were it not his will that I do this then it would not be done.

Someone said to me today that when I'm ready to do something, ready to move on, and someone was to ask me what I was ready to do I would be able to say Yes, strong and sure, that this is the choice and direction that I am ready to make. So I'm stepping back, closing out, and listening to God. I have been ignoring his call to listen and now I have to tune out the world and tune him in. He and only He is the light of my path.... so if I cannot see and I do not listen how can I find my way.

Today I decided to let go of some baggage... at one time I felt like I had to announce this, I felt like I needed answers to forgive.... but you know what?
I don't....

So while I'm reflecting this is a picture that I took outside my door..... Tranquility is infinitely available if you only look.

Now if I could just get the air fixed in my apartment I would be straight....

Another Great Friday

So I finished one of my labs... but not the other... Oh Well. I'm trying to do better but having these two jobs are killing me...
I think God is trying to send me signs that it is time to quit but it is just one of those things were you just want to keep holding on. Like when your favorite pet becomes horribly ill and you know that you should take it to the vet and have it put to sleep but you just can't. So you let it drag around the house slowing dying so that you can enjoy just a few more days or weeks with the animal... Oh well.

So back to ranting about men.. (You know this is my favorite pastime)
I was talking to someone who seemed promising and he just turned around and messed it all up last night.
So I was texting him..( forever the quintessential college student) ... just to see if he wanted to go out on Sunday ( seeing as this is the only time that I would have free time) So the next thing i know he is sending me a message talking about he is already talking with someone.
This kinda threw me for a loop, but hey I can roll with the punches and I let it roll off my back. No biggy.. we had only known each other for maybe two weeks nothing invested there...... but
You knew there had to be a But
But just as I was brushing this off and heading on to brighter pastures I get another message that states that He has only been talking to her for about a week.... I don't know maybe I'm sensitive.... or just down right mean.. because at this point I took offense.
One could look at this situation and think maybe he was just trying to let me know that he wasn't a dog and had just decided after we first meet that he wanted to become official with this person.
But I decided that this comment was personal and shouldn't have been made ( so sue me), anyway so at this point I get upset and decide that he is a small jerk and is making personal attacks so he loses all of his prior points. ( Don't ask me about my reasoning... I don't wish to discuss it at this time) Anyway I'm falling back to my bench for awhile.....
(And if certain people are reading this and feel that they are on the bench trust me.... your not... I personally tell you when your benched so that you can decide if you wish to stay there or not.)
Men... I tell you.
But hey it is Friday.

My Boss!!!!!!!

So here I am just minding my own business trying to complete some work and surf the internet.. and this guys walks into the office and ask to speak to my Supervisor..
So of course I'm thinking this is some contractor or other working ( probably trying to get one of their bills paid) and so we tell him that she is in a meeting.
Well he asks where the meeting is because he is supposed to be there.... (at this point I'm thinking that he is one of the maintenance men because I don't know all of them). So I get up and proceed to escort him upstairs to the study room above the office. Along the way he proceeds to introduce himself and this is when I find out that he is THE BOSS. The man that signs my checks and I didnt know who he was...... oh well I hope I made a good impression.

Purses and Shoes

Ok as you should have already figured out I am a female, and as such I have a distinct love for purses and shoes. Not that I have a need to be fashionable or anything like that, but I just love to have a functional bag. Now the shoes they have to be cute.(Fashion here is a must).
The question that I have today is why do some people feel the need to rag on others who carry fakebags?
Now I personally would not a carry a bag that was obviously a fake, but as a college student I can not afford to pay for a bag that cost 200-300 dollars.... Thats 1-2 textbooks and a gas for almost a month. ( The way that I drive)
But really as we know at every HBCU in the country there are vendors that are going to sell knock-offs that are extremely close to what the real thing is supposed to look like. So why not cope a fake and still have money to go to the club with it or out to dinner instead of having to wrap the bag up and store it away in your closet because you have no money left to go anywhere and rock the bag.
Hey so I say if the bag is cute wear it.... if not just leave it alone.... and just so you know I own two Coach knock-offs and they are real cute.... For those of you that see me everyday see if you can spot them.

Hump Day Wednesday

So today I have a very important test (Biochem) that I feel ill prepared for but I'm going to chug along and go through the rest of the day studying... But I'm at work now.... ho hum. ( I've only had three hours of sleep so my mental capacity is not up to par)
It is so cold here.. What ever happened to gradual changes in the weather... one day the sun is burning a hole through your brain and the next your wearing layers ( But i did get to break out my new boots today so thats ok).
My room is in desperate need of a makeover.. it looks like Hurricane Wilma curved through there for a minute... but thats what usually happens when everything in my life collides (i.e. my two jobs and full-time education).
I'm going to try and make large strides today... so pray in general and in abundance for me so that I might accomplish my goals for the day.
Well thats all for now I might write more later.

Homecoming is Over and School starts Again

Well this weekend was homecoming and I was able to have a best time that I have ever had during a Famu Homecoming weekend. I'm getting closer to some of the goals that I have made for myself during the school year and I was able to hear something from someone that I was really speculating about but wasn't sure if I could ask about. So right now I'm walking on cloud nine until tomorrow when I have to start taking test again. Really tonight because I need to start studying.. I'm such a procrastinator.

Jobs... Addendum

Well maybe I'm not ready to quit just yet... you know how things change as the day goes on..... I'm going to let some of the changes go into effect... I'm going to stop being pigheaded and start speaking my mind about things that involve me. Ok Ok.

Jobs.....

Why do college students need jobs. Some people get them to pay their bills in their apartments, others get jobs to cover the cost of their education. Still others would just like to have Mad money that they can spend and throw away every month.
Well for the entirety of my college career I have worked for the Premier Electronics retailer Best Buy, and recently over the last two years I have been working an additional job just to make sure that I had an off-campus residence and could travel when I pleased. The problem is that I am tired and for the longest I have felt bad about being tired. I feel that everyone is counting on me... my bosses, my teachers, my advisor, my parents, and my self. I even have my little cousins that lookup to me and they want to be like me. Thats beginning to be a whole lot of pressure.
So over the last couple of weeks I have played the tired game; the one where I am unable to participate in the organizations that I am apart of, as well as not having anytime to enjoy myself and to study... I'm coasting and that is not how I wanted to spend my senior year. So in the next two weeks I will be giving my two week notice for Best Buy. The holiday season is coming and I'm going to spend that time with my friends and family. Two whole weeks in Mobile... with no worries.
So why am I still feeling guilty. I feel bad.. like I shouldn't be doing this. I have money and I can save enough to make sure that my bills are covered for the beginning of the year. Also if I absolutely needed help there are those people around me who could provide... but again I feel that I am letting someone down in my life. But that person is not myself.
I guess Homecoming has really been the last straw for me. I'm a Senior there is absolutely no reason that I shouldn't be enjoying this situation and feeling...
I guess I want to be what I have not been in a very long time and that is just a student. I want to be able to do the things that my counterparts do on a daily basis and have a amounts of quality time that they have. Plus as a student I can't be closing till 11:00 on a week day during the school year.
I'm beyond the wire at this point and I don't think anyone really understands that.
I'm going to focus and pull out a stellar year with my last opportunity. If anyone has a comment on working while being a student please feel free to post in the comments area.

MCAT Scores are Back

So last night after 12:00 (see college students do stay up after 12:00) I went online to find out what my scores were for the august testing of the MCAT. Although I didn't do bad .... It was definitely not my best. But I'm not going to take it again...Why you ask???
Because I already am accepted to Medical School, I retested to see if I could place extremely high and that didn't happen so I know of at least one place that I can go and several others that will consider me. So today I begin the journey to complete my AMCAS application because they are due for some of the schools that I'm applying to tomorrow.
The Vertigo is back.
I really don't need to be getting sick here at the end of my college career. I really need to go and see a doctor.. oh and take a vacation.

Another Thursday

Don't you know that during the year you start referring to the days as another Monday, Another Tuesday, another Wednesday... and so on and so forth. Well thats the plight of a college student. A friend of mine was saying the other day that you are just not a college student if you go to bed before 12:00 everynight,and the sad thing is that that statement is so true. My days begin to run into each other until the week becomes a blur. I have be experiencing some extreme cases of vertigo (dizzy spells) and I really want them to stop.(List: Remember to purchase some medication)
Homecoming is almost upon us and I'm trying to get my friends to come down and party with me..... Whoo hooo. Nothing like a FAMU Homecoming.
So the question of the day is:
How can I legally make money if I quit my jobs? So that I will still be able to pay my rent and put gas in my car. Those are the only things that I have to do.. Everyones input would be appreciated.

TGIF ( Thank God Its Friday)!!!!!!!

It's the end of the week and what a week it has been. I'm tired, depressed, and wore out and all of this is just going to repeat again next week but it's Friday and I don't have to work again until Monday at the earliest. ( But as you know school work doesn't end). So I plan to take a relaxing break over Saturday. Try to clean my room to bring back some organization to my life.

Famu Homecoming ( Whoop, Whoop, Whoop)
It's finally here..... My very last Homecoming. I really can not believe that graduation is oh so close but yet so far away.
For those of you that have never been to a FAMU Homecoming it is an event to end all events. I will repost with the schedule attached at a later time. But the ENTIRE week is filled with events. There is nothing like it in the world.

Well I'm going to try and get some rest after I get off work and wake-up rolling in the morning. Peace.

Blahhh Tuesdays

Well this is another Blahh Tuesday, it is only 1pm and I'm already tired but my day doesn't end until after 12 tonight. The things we college students do for money. I'm thinking about skipping class and just going home and taking an hour nap.That way I'll be ready for more work and for my interview for SGA senator. I want that position so bad but I don't think I will get it with bloodshot eyes they will probably think I'm on crack or something.

Ok so the dilemma today is whether or not to wear earrings to the interview. I have a nice pair that match the dress shirt that I'm wearing today but I'm not sure if those earrings aren't to flashy, I feel that they may detract from the seriousness that I'm trying to portray today. Definitely a Dilemma.

Countdown to the Weekend

I can't wait until this weekend. I'll be at home with my mother,eating her cooking. For those of you that don't know I'm from the beautiful Port City of Mobile, AL. This Weekend is the Classic between Southern University and Alabama State University. Now one of my friends is Miss Southern University so even though I am from Ala I will be cheering Southern on hopefully to a victory. My sister is going to be in town and I hope to Ball till I fall with my friends.
What a wonderful world.

On my quest to inner enlightenment I have vowed to myself to lose the freshmen 15 (Really 30) that I have gained since I have been in college. The actual losing isn't the problem.. Because I don't mind working out. It's the fact that I have no time. None at all. So just finding 15-30 min is nearly impossible. But that is my goal before Christmas break. School I going wonderfully I know of one class right now that I'm definitely going to get an A in.

Solicitation

I like when people make comments to the blogs that I write, But I don't not like solicitation. If you want to rep your personal and I repeat personal blog... Feel free. But If your selling something or your hawking porn this is not the forum for that. Not all of the information found on the internet is spam and porn and this site is going to be one of the few on that list.

DAMNNNN

How about this bullshit. The guy that I have been spending time with had the nerve to tell another female (that he is obviously interested in) that and I quote "I don't like her like that". Is this the universal Guy language for , Yah baby I like you like that (wink,wink). Men are so slimy... I had already decided not to talk to this cockroach but that statement just confirmed everything that I was already feeling. So again I reiterate that men in college are DOGS.....

Ahhhhhh..... I should be studying

Ok.. So I'm sitting in the biology computer lab on campus ( did I mention that I am A biology major), well I just felt that I need to write something for the day. First I wake up early, no college student should ever have to do this, just so that I can go and pick up my car. So I call and they still don't have my car ready... I knew this was going to happen. So I go back to sleep. (oh well why waste a good hour). Anyway so last night I was supposed to be studying for the A &P lecture tests that I have today... But I didn't. Sorry I was tired and feel into the old trap of just a 30 min nap will do. So I'm hoping to study between classes.. And what am I doing Blogging my life away.. So I am done and I'm seriously going to go study... Because this is my last year and Im outta here.

The Dreaded Accident

Well I was in a car accident recently and let me tell you that the experience has been nothing but horrible. First my car is older but I take very good car of my baby. But even still on a college student budget things sometimes get forgotten. Well I I was in this accident that totally ruined my bumper, and a day after the accident my car starts popping and straining trying to take the hills around town. This is OBVIOUSLY accident related because my car wasn't doing this before. Well the insurance company for the person who was at fault calls me and the first adjuster was really nice and helpful, at First. So she sends me to a body shop who then orders the parts to replace my bumper... Now here comes the weird part. The body shop that I went to was on a dealership, but they can't look at the mechanical problems that are wrong with my car. I have to go to another shop and have the work analyzed and if they don't FEEL that the repair work is accident related then I have to pay the shop for even looking at my car. This is just plain craziness ( my catch phrase).
Why should I have to pay someone to find out whether or not you are responsible for these damages. It is obvious that they are, and if anything they should want to minimize the amount of work that they really have to pay for by regulating the repairs (i.e. choosing their own mechanic, shop etc.)
But thats not all. So I go in to have my body work done and they send me to get a rental car for the day while they complete the repairs, so I get to the rental car company and they ask me for a $25 deposit (Whatttt) No one happened to mention the fact that I would have to have a deposit.... what if a didn't have any money on me ... more specifically a credit card... for Gods sake I am a college student., and then they tried to sell me insurance on the rental car. What are they thinking!!!????
I will never, never, ever get into another accident because this process has been horrible.

Men... what is their Problem

I recently sat down and was talking to some friends of mine and asked what they thought about College men.
Well the general consensus was that they are all no good and don't really know what they want out of life. Here I am a 20-something college student, getting an excellent education, and with major prospects as fair as grad school is concerned.(Medical School here I come.) But I can't find a guy that is even interested in a relationship. Some might say it's the whole marriage thing... and not being ready to settle down, but I disagree. Im not looking for marriage. All I really want is a Commitment.
OOHHHH... the C word.
Why was it so easy for men to accept this in high school. Yes high school, do people realize that the majority of the men that I know had a commited relationship in high school. Atleast one if not more than that. So why the sudden reversion when they come to college, why the two step forward one step back routine. Well I for one I'm tired of waiting on the men in my life to grow up... So I say to them GOODBYE.
(well you know my number when you do grow up)
And for those of you preverts out there this does not mean that I'm moving on to women. I just can't see how supposedly intelligent college age men can continue along the path they are taking as far as women are concerned. If anything learn this lesson fellas. We are tired of waiting, ( and they wonder why so many of us date older men. UGGHHH)

My first Blog

Well I'm giving in and have decided to share many a varied thoughts with the world.. But first this has to look right so I'm playing around with my options. So keep checking back to see what I write.