The envelope....

I think that I have finally pushed the envelope to far and I really don't think I can fix this..... I'm not really sure if I'm even supposed to want to fix this.
Even with all of the problems that I have in my life I had to go and lay some of those problems on someone else. I really wish that I could take it all back but I can't. I can't fix it either because I think that I'm right.... and in a way I am. Compromise is something that will not work in this situation... I need to stop being a weepy female..but I can't..... I need a vacation.. Hopefully Christmas Break will be better than the last 4 months.

Focus.....

I'm completely losing focus....
Can't get it together I have atleast three more weeks in school before I can relax.... I hoping that this mental break over the Thanksgiving Holiday will be enough to shake off the blinders... but I'm not sure.
Couldn't make it to class today...only made one and that was biochem because I can't miss that one ( my teacher is a little loopy.) But hey I'm trying to make a good impression....
I hope that I can get this thing under control... if anyone has any recommendations on how to regain focus let me know.

School... I wish it was all over

One time early this semester I said that I didn't believe that I was suffering from Senioritis... but now I believe that I am...

I just want everything to be over.(school wise I mean) I want to sleep in and read a good book( other than a textbook) and go to the movies with my friends and just enjoy hanging out with them....
It's more than just school though because I know that I would have time for some of those things listed above it it wasn't for my jobs. All I can really think about is the fact that in a few short months I will be able to say goodbye to everything and REST!!!. Until then I'm stuck feeling tired and working my butt off.
So speaking of Graduation I'm starting to get prepared turning in all of my paperwork... and getting my medical school applications together.
You know what I just looked at my picture and I realized that I was kinda greasy looking on my birthday... ( I really should take that picture down)... Ok I'll stop being so vain.
My mother called me to tell me to start preparing for the mass invasion of all my relatives coming in for my graduation.... so I asked her who all was coming.
She starts naming names and going on and on about different friends and family and I was beginning to get overwhelmed.... all I could think about was where are all of these people going to stay that weekend.. I mean my apartment is only so large.
So talking to some of my homegirls later on that day and I find out that almost all of the hotels are booked for that weekend...... ( Nightmare)
So now I have to search through the yellowpages for hotels rooms at the various hotels for that weekend and I still have no clue how many people are coming down here for the graduation. My job situation is still a little out of control but I'm going to fix that reall sooon.

Its My Birthday

WoooHooo.....
It's My birthday the one day of the year when I don't have to care about anyone elses feelings because this is my day.....
I have received some many well wishes today and I can truly say that I am blessed to have as many friends as I do...
I won't write long because I have work to do but this is me on my day..... so bow down...heeee

Knowing where your Problems Lie

I've spent the last couple of days trying to figure out whats wrong with the life that I am leading. Am I overworked, tired, stressed, and cranky;or am I just being tried by the devil and this is just a test to see how well I perform.
My answer came today in the form of a message. The problems that I have are not problems of the flesh... but represent the struggle within myself, the ultimate struggle of redemption and acceptance. What I had forgotten was that I am a child of God, and no man can stand against me because I am covered in the full mantle of his glory.
So the message that I proclaim today is that everything that I do.. I do because I want to and in infinite grace.. were it not his will that I do this then it would not be done.

Someone said to me today that when I'm ready to do something, ready to move on, and someone was to ask me what I was ready to do I would be able to say Yes, strong and sure, that this is the choice and direction that I am ready to make. So I'm stepping back, closing out, and listening to God. I have been ignoring his call to listen and now I have to tune out the world and tune him in. He and only He is the light of my path.... so if I cannot see and I do not listen how can I find my way.

Today I decided to let go of some baggage... at one time I felt like I had to announce this, I felt like I needed answers to forgive.... but you know what?
I don't....

So while I'm reflecting this is a picture that I took outside my door..... Tranquility is infinitely available if you only look.

Now if I could just get the air fixed in my apartment I would be straight....

Another Great Friday

So I finished one of my labs... but not the other... Oh Well. I'm trying to do better but having these two jobs are killing me...
I think God is trying to send me signs that it is time to quit but it is just one of those things were you just want to keep holding on. Like when your favorite pet becomes horribly ill and you know that you should take it to the vet and have it put to sleep but you just can't. So you let it drag around the house slowing dying so that you can enjoy just a few more days or weeks with the animal... Oh well.

So back to ranting about men.. (You know this is my favorite pastime)
I was talking to someone who seemed promising and he just turned around and messed it all up last night.
So I was texting him..( forever the quintessential college student) ... just to see if he wanted to go out on Sunday ( seeing as this is the only time that I would have free time) So the next thing i know he is sending me a message talking about he is already talking with someone.
This kinda threw me for a loop, but hey I can roll with the punches and I let it roll off my back. No biggy.. we had only known each other for maybe two weeks nothing invested there...... but
You knew there had to be a But
But just as I was brushing this off and heading on to brighter pastures I get another message that states that He has only been talking to her for about a week.... I don't know maybe I'm sensitive.... or just down right mean.. because at this point I took offense.
One could look at this situation and think maybe he was just trying to let me know that he wasn't a dog and had just decided after we first meet that he wanted to become official with this person.
But I decided that this comment was personal and shouldn't have been made ( so sue me), anyway so at this point I get upset and decide that he is a small jerk and is making personal attacks so he loses all of his prior points. ( Don't ask me about my reasoning... I don't wish to discuss it at this time) Anyway I'm falling back to my bench for awhile.....
(And if certain people are reading this and feel that they are on the bench trust me.... your not... I personally tell you when your benched so that you can decide if you wish to stay there or not.)
Men... I tell you.
But hey it is Friday.

My Boss!!!!!!!

So here I am just minding my own business trying to complete some work and surf the internet.. and this guys walks into the office and ask to speak to my Supervisor..
So of course I'm thinking this is some contractor or other working ( probably trying to get one of their bills paid) and so we tell him that she is in a meeting.
Well he asks where the meeting is because he is supposed to be there.... (at this point I'm thinking that he is one of the maintenance men because I don't know all of them). So I get up and proceed to escort him upstairs to the study room above the office. Along the way he proceeds to introduce himself and this is when I find out that he is THE BOSS. The man that signs my checks and I didnt know who he was...... oh well I hope I made a good impression.