The day before the End....

Today I took Two finals and tomorrow morning I will take the last and final exam that I will hopefully ever have to take at Florida Agricultural and Mechanical University. On May 2nd I will be safely back home in Mobile still celebrating with my family members and looking for a short summer job, before I spend a month in Atlanta helping the Kiddies.
Tomorrow I will go through graduation exercises. It feels kinda weird because quite a few of my friends are leaving tomorrow to go home, and I can remember the push that I have had in the past to get away finally. But now I can't leave and I really am not ready to pack up and move out.
Don't get me wrong I am ready to go home, but I am not ready to leave my friends for the final time. Hey yeah I can come back and visit and of course I will but it's not the same as calling Marissa and asking her to go to the movies, or hopping in the car with Kiana and Jessica and going to the club and wild'n out. Yeah there will be homecomings and yeah there will be home football games and of course the Orlando Classic...... but there will be no more Saturday nights. No more marathon talking sessions, no more roadtrips where all of my money starts disappearing from my bank account and my friends think I am going to lose it only to have to money returned on that Monday, no more dinners and campus activities, no more Jones Hall, and no more 90.5 wamn.

I will miss the probates and the dance-offs, the pageants and the elections, the late night studying for comparative anatomy and histology, the plays in the Winterwood theatre, and the movie nights in Lee hall.

I will miss the parties in the bowling alley, and especially "Set Fridays".
I will even miss the Orange Room even though they employ some of the rudest workers in the world.

I have enjoyed my experience here and I wouldn't change it for the world. I can't imagine what the next few years will hold for me but I have truly enjoyed the last 4.

So to all of my friends that have asked why aren't I happier or why aren't I sad, I say because I will miss you and the times that we have spent here, the lesson we have learned and the friends that we have lost along the way.
I have not shed a tear because if I start I may not know how to end.........

Finals Begin.....

I can definitely feel the senoritis setting in. I should be studying right now but I really don't want to look at another book.
My user has already called me tonight trying to get my notes. Obviously he hasn't done anything to study for this test and expects me to help him. The answer is an emphatic NOOOO!!!.
What do I look like. I am struggling just like he is, but I am doing my work and making sure that if nothing else my teacher knows that I have been working hard for my grade. Not this wankster.
I think I might ignore his phone calls if he calls me again tonight, I am really not in the mood.
I would like to remind everyone not to be like me,
study, study, study!!!!

My room is horrible because I have started packing to go home. This I can't really feel right now. I can't imagine that this is the last weekend that I will live in Tallahassee. My geographic location is returning to some normalcy...hehehehe

So my journey to self discovery has been going well, I no longer have on the rose colored glasses that I had been wearing for the last two years to protect my heart.
Now that the heart has been broken it is easier for me to see the reasons why I felt that the situation was uncomfortable. Why I wasn't really happy about the situation. I won't go into details but I was settling and settling hard and right now I feel that I would rather be alone than to settle for someone who can't see the potential in me. I need someone to build me up because the next few years are going to be some hard ones.

I would like to thank Chris for encouraging me to come back to Atlanta this summer. I will be in the city and living LARGE, while helping the children. (Just kidding)
But hey if your going to be in the A hit me up because I do plan to relax a little more than I have during the school year.

So I broke down and purchased some "school gear" from the bookstore. See what you have to understand is that the merchandise in the bookstore is horribly over -priced. So I got an alumni t-shirt and I got a key chain that will be attached to the keys of my new car. I think I'm going to try and get my mother to buy me some more t-shirts at graduation. I need to be able to represent for this education that I have fought so hard to get.

Enough of me rambling I need to get back to studying... wish me luck.
Peaces

Monday.. The Beginning of Hell Week

Well I just made it through Monday here in Finals week. I can already tell that the rest of the week is going to be an adventure.
I picked up my honor cords today and I went to the Bookstore and bought some Famu Apparel. I have to represent when I go to Atlanta this summer. I can't let the kids think I don't have any school spirit.
I need to be studying for my test first and foremost I need to read... so I am going to leave this blog alone and hop to it.
Peace

Easter 4/16/06

Let us all take time out and remember the rising of Our lord and savior Jesus Christ. The message this Easter Sunday was ...and Peter. Basically Peter failed Christ 5 times during the night after the last supper and as most humans would think Peter thought that God no longer held him in favor. But the Angel of the lord said to the two Marys early on Sunday morning " go tell the disciples ... and peter that the lord is risen"
This is a message to us that though we may fail in our Christian journey God stills wants us to know the good news and know that he still loves us and cares for us and wants us back within the fold.

So remember today that God loves you and that you are important to him. Take a moment today and remove all of the worldly thoughts from your mind and focus your attention on him for indeed this day he has RISEN.

April Karma

This is supposed to be that month that everything is going to come up roses because I'm about to graduate and unfortunately nothing is going right.
I might fail my Biochemistry II class and its not offered again until the spring ( oh hell no)
I missed out on paying for a test that doesn't count but I was supposed to take to graduate ( that shit is not going to fly)
I am having some of the most severe back pains that I have ever had. ( call me a chiropractor)
I almost missed taking my yearbook pictures because I have to work and go to class ( no duh)

So here I am in desperate need of a vacation with two weeks ( finals week included) left in the month and in school and nothing absolutely nothing is going right. I neeed a beach day.... so to all of my friends the first place we are going when I get back to Mobile is the Beach....... no complain... it is sand ad sun for me.

People who are bigger than themselves

This post is specifically addressed to people who feel that they are more than what they really are or they have power over someone.
The answer to the above is that this is so not true. If I could I would stick my foot so far ( well you know where this is going)
There is absolutly no reason in my life that I should have to put up with this kinda attitude especially not in my workplace...
Enough venting for today..... I need to leave this alone before I get really angry at work and actually do something about the way that I am feeling right now.

Wow.... Life can be good

I having been visiting alot of my friends lately and the recurring theme has been that men in Tallahassee aren't about anything. I was sitting with one of my friends and she was talking about how she had given up on finding anyone in Tally. She was going to wait on God because that is where the message in the ministry was leading her. I listened to alot of the things she had to say and realized that in alot of ways we are in the same place in life. I'm waiting on him but right now I don't want to be alone or lonely.
So the 1st question that I have to ask is what is lust?, and do all of us meaning most females confuse lust with love?
I pose this question because alot of the engagements that I have seen over the last two months are based on what I considered to be the lust factor. He satisfies me in some way so that must mean that we are right for each other. Like he provides me with money or he satisfies me in the bedroom... things like that. Are these really reason to marry someone or just excuses for lusting after something that keeps us from being lonely.
So what happens when we do confuse lust for love, how do we see that real thing and does anyone really know what that real thing is.??

My 2nd question is how do we know when we are turning away Mr. Right?
As females with have the option to choose with whom we spend our time and how much of that time we choose to spend with someone. But how do we know that the person we just refused to give our number too was not the person that fit all those characteristics that we are looking for in a man. Not to say that we are supposed to give our numbers to every Tom, Dick, and Harry, But are we really being too picky and eliminating options that might be right for us.
My mother, in another clarifying moment for me as to how she views me, made the comment that based on the type of man that I currently have been wasting my time on, what was I turning away. Not much really, especially here in Tallahassee.
But this comment allowed me to realize that my mother thought I was overly picky, and yet she has never seen anyone that I have rejected nor has she known much about the men (whoops, I meant boys) that I have dated. ( That is a problem that will be corrected very quickly... you want to talk to me... come meet my mother I want to know what she thinks of you first)

I have shied away from the bringing my relationships into the family light because my family is extremely overprotective and yet I have found them not to be too far off in their assessment of a persons character, and trust if my uncles don't like someone they will tell it. The paradox here is that my uncles don't want me with someone but think that I am weird because they haven't seen anyone.

Anyway. I am still on my road to self recovery from this horrible Monday.... But I have never had a better post-traumatic experience.

Fucked up Mondays....

Men are so fucked up. Yeah I said it. I am tired of trifling men. For once I want one to prove me wrong. To stand up and admit when they are wrong just like I can. I am tired of the double standards. No you are not right because you say so.......
I admit I was wrong for going against every damn thing that my head was telling me
1. Don't let this nigga try you because your friendship means more ( didn't listen to that)
2. Don't spend the night in the nigga bed ( didn't listen to that)
3. Don't catch feelings for this nigga because he ain't about shit ( definitely couldn't control that)
4. Don't sleep with him because he can be trifling ( and what happens I closer than I have ever let anyone)

And what does this bastard do with the equivalent of 3 years of my life. He basically says fuck that I have "finally found someone".
and get this the bastard expects me to be happy for him and I quote " If you were a true friend you would be happy for me and I am glad that you finally showed your true colors" What the fuck!!!!

I am not a teenager and I don't have a teenage mentality. If he really wanted to be a man about this he could have called me and talked to me instead of sending that shit in a text message and two a real man would have had this conversation in person......

So to that nigga if he happens to read this FUCK YOU!!!! Grow UP!!!!! and be a man.
I don't ever want to talk to you again because you tried to flip your bullshit back on me....... unfuckingacceptable.
I am going on hiatus to find myself again and to get rid of this fucking punk that I have become.