So I am ending my self enforced pity party and taking back my life. Recently I caught my boyfriend cheating on me and I let the little ghetto girl within out and let her shine for a bit. But I am now back to the regular program and I have to decide how I wish to proceed with my life.
I have been thinking long and hard about this and I have come to the conclusion that sometimes it is just better for you to do things the hard way. I am ready and open to accepting rejecting, that has never been a crutch of mine but I have always been the type of person who sought answers to the problem. Let me know so that I might correct something in myself because every experience is a learning experience. Well over the past week I have come to realize that I have been living my life for everyone but me. I came home and forgot that there is a world out there that I participated in and that I made it through without my family telling me how to do it.
So I had to ask myself, why is it that now I need their approval to make choices in my own life.
I am having lunch with him tomorrow, he might stand me up, he might not. The conversation may go the way I want it to go... It might not.... but the point is that I decided to make this step and no one else helped me make that decision.
I mean how can I even think about having someone marry me and be my husband if I can't make decision for myself and with someone else without outside influence. To be unpopular is not popular... especially not within your own family.
But I have to decide my course.... and forget about everybody else....... How can someone tell me that the person that I have chosen for my life is not the person for me when I have watched that same somebody continue to do the same thing to so many women in their own life.
How can you be mad at someone for doing the exact same thing that your doing...... that is hypocritical.
Tomorrow I might find out that the man that I have given my heart to might have never loved me in the first place. I might find out that I have been deceived from the very beginning. But I will have found out.... and from there I can make my own decisions..... I can walk away knowing that I know..... or knowing that once full of bull always full of bull.
I have always felt that I knew how men worked... inwardly they were one way or another. But now I know that men are insecure... They want everything they see in life and they are goading into doing some of the things that they do by other men...... but only they can save themselves... I can't save the men in my life.... and most other women can not save the men in theirs.
All I can do is pray for guidance and deliverance........ for the both of us.
Hey, I almost forgot... to all of my friends... you are truly a blessing to me and I want you all to know that you are not forgotten....life just sometimes gets in the way.
1 comment:
Well now. I'm so not the one who can jump on your case. I amped myself up two weeks ago over something similar and now I'm living with the issues. For me, it's will I ever trust him again and I'm beginning to think that is a negatvie. But you can hit me up for me to talk about my drama. As for you, good girl. These decisions are most assuredly our own. I hope that I haven't been guilty of telling you what to do one way or another. If so, I do apologize. There is one piece of advice that I learned a while ago, and need to be more careful to heed in the future. When you have a problem with your man, take it to a man. Whatever you do, don't take it to your girls. I had just finished thinking about our friend letting herself get amped up by her girls and lo and behold. What do I do? I get amped up and call all my friends. Well, just the ones I knew would let me act a little foolish.
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