New York, New York

As I am sitting here.. I am blogging from the heart of New York City. It was a harrowing journey ( my 1st plane ride) but I made it.
Since arriving I haven't done a whole lot but I have enjoyed spending time withmy family and learning about their lives.... I mean I barely have time to call people as it is so these Face to Face encounters are truly amazing and enjoyable.
So as I stare out the window at a bridge that right now I don't know the name of ( I will find out later) I wish to outline what I have been told is imperative that I accomplish here in New York.
1. I have to eat a Hot Dog from a vendor on the street ( although my cousin has told me that that is the best way to get sick because the water that they dip the hot dogs in is dirty)
2. I was told that I have to eat a pizza by the slice... not the whole pie because that defeats the purpose, and not from a national chain like papa johns, or dominos which do exist here.
3. I have to shop, shop, shop, although unfortunately my funds this time around are not conducive to the shopping, oh well maybe next time.
4. I personally would like to see the large Best Buy's that they have here... specially the one in Manhattan. (Hopefully.. before I quit the company anyway.)

Hey... I am on vacation and I am open to just about anything. This apple will be my oyster. hehehehe.

But can you believe one of my teachers gave me homework over the break.. Outrageous I tell you. Oh well I am never off that grind. Never.

Tired Monday....

I woke up late this morning and I thought that this would be the beginning of another bad.. bad ... week. I went to a body shop today with the owner of the vehicle that hit me on Monday, so i should be getting my bodywork done on my car on Wednesday...
I went to work and finished the stuff that I wasn't able to get around to on last week because I was sick. So first thing on Wed. I should be able to begin putting a dent into the pile of research that I had almost decimated. Over the course of the last week I have come to the conclusion that I want and truly deserve a new car.

This morning my sister was in a car accident on her way back to school from her birthday weekend in Mobile. I really need to get some pictures of her car because they are already trying to jip her on getting her car fixed up there in Huntsville. She has been sending me pictures of parts but I really don't even know what she needs to fix her vehicle.

Hopefully for her this won't be a bad week like the one that I had on last week.

I'm Sick

So its official I have been laid up for a day and a half with this cold and I still feel bad... This is just the icing on an otherwise horrible week.... first my car gets hit.. then I get sick and everybody and their mommy trying to call me just to talk. Definitely time to start making some changes in my life.

Whatever happened to looking both ways

Ok you guys.... it has happened again. For the second time this school year I have had some pea-brained idiot hit my car.
So i'm trying to get to the Post Office so that I can mail off the last of my secondary applications when I pull into the parking lot there is this minivan that I trying to exit its spot in front of me. So I wait patiently for the van to complete backing out. All of a sudden the car that was parallel to mine decides that this is a good opportunity from them to start backing out (what the fuck). I honk to let the idiot know that I was behind them but they proceed to back up. So before I can put my car in reverse this idiot has hit me... and then proceeds to keep coming.. pushing my car. So now the grill off the front of my car is in my backseat... my headlight looks like it wants to pop out and I have a dent in the side of my car... not to mention my bumper which is hanging off slightly.

This is just another thing to add to all of the bad things that has happened to me in the month of February. Not to mention that I was headed to take time off at work... and so I called because I didn't want to miss my supervisor and the heifer proceeds to tell me that a lot of people want the time off that I am requesting.... well unfortunately I am the most senior employee in that department and she can mess around and not give me my time .... well I won't be there anyway.. I have already made plans and I will be at the top of the country... Oh well... I can't believe that mess. I have worked every spring break since I became employed at best buy... sorry not this year... and I am not going to quit. For one I am not changing my availability and two I am calling in any day that she decides to schedule me if she doesn't give me my time off.

See the world is conspiring against me.

Wonders....

Have you ever felt so out of control..... because things that you want depend not on the actions that you take but on the feelings and whims of others. I have spent my entire college career trying to obtain something that is very hard to obtain in the college setting.. Now I have one more chance before I graduate, I really would like to hope that this time around I have played my cards well and the next step will be into my goal... but then some small insecure part of me starts to question whether I have exposed myself enough...
I know that my goal is obtainable later on but now would be an excellent time... before my time here is up.

So S>>>> asked if he could come over and research with me.. what kind of question is that. I mean that is so assinine that one would assume that he was trying to hit on me, but I don't think that is the case. That only means that he had to be serious... which again makes absolutely no sense. I need focus... Ohhh and did I mention that he didn't show up. thus effectively wasting my time..... hmmm.

Nothing Good ever stays that way.

So I thought that I would be able to make some money by "investing" the small amount that I had into a program that some friends of mine were involved in. I guess this make what they say about everything the glitters isnt gold. So the program folded and I'm probably out the money that i put into the program. The good thing is that I didn't put as much as I wanted to in, but I could really use that money back. The funny thing is that I waited until I had seen my friends get their money back a couple of times before I decided to put my money in, just to be sure that it was going to work and that you do get your money back. I just wish that I had waited a little longer because I would still have my money.

So now I have to figure out how i'm going to replace this money.... any suggestions?

New Movie... New Questions

So I went to see Last Holiday ... excellent movie. It got me to thinking about the things we ( specifically me) do because (1) we are afraid to explore them (2) because they are generally the correct thing to do.
So my question to myself is am I hiding... I think I am a little... I think I am hiding behind a future... and good grades...
I think I might need to ask myself if I was going to die tomorrow have I lived a full life.... do I have any regrets (personal).

Made is the greatest....

First Test of the Year!!!

Biochemistry.....Awwww
Whoever came up with this subject needs to be shot...... this is cruel and unusual punishment. So here I am at 6:00 in the morning trying to finish studying for this test ( of course I am not really studying because I am on the computer typing this blog)

I had a wonderful weekend with my mother.. considering that she crashed my laptop and I had to go pick it up... But the epiphany that I had on the way back to tallahassee is that I might be able to get the laptop that I really want if I am still under manufactures warranty for the one that she crashed. So everyone pray with me that that is the case.

Well back to studying........ ( oh joy)

A New Start

So spring semester has begun and already I have started my manic traveling. Anyone with a local that they would wish for me to visit please leave me a comment so that I can put in an appearance... although remember that I am on a budget and cannot travel outside of the southeast region with financial assistance.
So this Blog is dedicated to my girl Tamara because she said that I haven't blogged in awhile and she was waiting to see what I had to say next... well girl I'm going to be needing to see some comments so that I know your watching... you know I am all about that positive reinforcement.

Don't you just hate that feeling that you feel that you are being used... that someone is taking just a little bit more than you are readily willing to give. Well for the past week that is how I have been feeling. Someone is truly intruding on my pt ( personal time). I don't know how I am going to handle that situation but I will keep you informed on the outcome.

So last weekend I spent a wonderful time with some friends and family in Atlanta.. Now most people would think that we went out to the club or did some serious shopping but this was not the case. (Mainly because funds were limited due to the fact that I have yet to receive my net check from FAMU but that is to be expected).
But just like the black folks we are we had fun without funds.. choosing to show our asses and photograph the evidence ( look for the pictures coming soon)

I know I said that I wasn't going to make any resolutions but I am resolving to be more assertive because I can't let life run me I need to run my own life ( Thanks Tamara for reminding me)
Peace... Until I feel like writing again.

Spring Semester.... Ohh so much closer to Graduation

So I haven't written in awhile and I am truly sorry about that. This is a new year and while I don't believe in New Years resolutions I have decided to drop about 30 pounds before graduation...
The problem is that I never have time to workout... which brings me to my next topic..... who in the world allowed me to sign-up for 15 hours my senior year... I must have bumped my damn head.

I'm going to be in Atlanta tomorrow...whoohoo... thanks tiffany.
So I hope to have a relaxing three day weekend... and school just started...

Talk to me.... New Year ... New Me... But no resolutions I swear.

This is me at Christmas... don't I look excited.

Christmas....

With the holidays so quickly approaching I think that it is only right that I take the time to look back upon my finances for the year. It was my goal that I end the year on a bright note with less debt than I went into the year with.
Unfortunately that is not occurring... but hey I was able to capture another paying job and get an increase at my current.... that definitely counts as an increase for the year......

So my extreme goals for the end of the year are as follows:
1. Spend less
2. Pay-down some credit cards
3. Improve my credit score
4. Purchase a Rabbit for my apartment. (shhh... don't tell I'm not supposed to have animals.)
5. Clean my room....

These are by no means New Year Resolutions ( those will be coming later) just things that I feel that I need to accomplish.... don't you hate when you work too much and you still feel the need to make more money... maybe im just greedy.

Life Lessons Learned....

This poem is for those life lessons learned:

We were just friends
although in my world I was his girl
and I would pretend to be his wife
sayin shit like
"there's only so many years in a woman's life..."
so I gave him three
yet he had the audacity
to step to me on some donnell jones
"where I wanna be" type shit
it wasn't supposed to be like this
he hit me with the forehead kiss
told me life was a journey
and that he was ready to explore this shit
I was pissed
to me he was a hypocrite
like a fake preacher in a pulpit
and he left me sick
no he didn't choose me
and that doesn't make him right nor wrong
and I made him the epitome of my life
that doesn't make me wrong nor right
like I said
I WAS HIS FRIEND, NOT HIS WIFE.
and maybe had I acted
within that capacity
this would've been "just one of those things"
instead of a fuckin' tragedy.
and all that time I spent mad at him
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN MAD AT ME.
after all I was the one that gave him keys to my house
and let him hang things in my closet
just in case we went out
not to mention washin all his dirty clothes
just to make a full load
and lettin him finish all the leftovers
so the food wouldn't go old
for the times that we raw dogged
cuz he lost all the rubbers
and cuz I showed him more support than his own
father brother sister and mother
and just cuz those same people dial my number
when they tryna get in touch
and cuz he receives mail at my address
cuz he be here so much
got total control of the remote control
to the TV, dvd and radio
and even though his name is not on my lease
he got shit in my house that's off limits to me
like his side of MY BED
and his stash of weed
BUT NONE OF THIS OBLIGATES HIM TO ME
because not once did we exchange vows
and IF I KNEW THEN WHAT I KNOW NOW
I probably would've listened
when he said it was some shit he had to
get up out his system
but I was too busy bitchin
jumpin bad like I was gon' hit him
cuz in the back of my mind
all I could fathom was how bad I was gonna miss him
but just because I'm cryin doesn't mean that I'm the victim
just means I was scared to let him go
cuz some other chick might get him
and that was my fault cuz it was my decision
I SHOULD HAVE NEVER PUT MY HEART IN MY MIND'S POSITION
but I couldn't shake him
he was like a bad habit
AND ALL THIS FOR A NIGGA WHO WAS JUST AVERAGE
DOING AVERAGE NIGGA SHIT
like talkin' out the side of his neck
and thinkin with his dick
but I must admit he was the one I wanted to commit to
so either I wasn't living up to my potential
or I was just the average chick
but I choose to believe I was a woman
caught up in a feeling both physical and emotional
who was way too willing to give her all to a man
and though it may sound stupid
I WOULD DO IT ALL AGAIN
JUST NEXT TIME, FOR MY HUSBAND
AND NOT THAT NIGGA I CALL MY FRIEND.

Sometimes you have to stop feeling guilty and realize that that nigga ain't bout shit and never was..... I didn't write this poem but it flows like the situation that I was in... but now I'm older, wiser and not settling for nothing but the best.... I something like this happened to you please comment.... all men aren't bad... they just aren't sure how to be good.

Last Week of School

Well this is the last week of school before Fall semester finals. I can't believe that it is finally over and that I am just that much closer to graduation. (remind me that I said this in a month or two). So many of the goals that I have set out to accomplish this semester are in the works but unclear of an outcome... Hopefully something good will come from them.

So going into finals I have two classes where I have 89s as my average pre-final. Not that safe 90 but an 89. God has smiled on me this week and I hope that he continues to do so next week.

Anyway i'm praying many blessings for everyone as Finals week Fall 2k5 Comes around...
Keep yah Head up!!!!

The envelope....

I think that I have finally pushed the envelope to far and I really don't think I can fix this..... I'm not really sure if I'm even supposed to want to fix this.
Even with all of the problems that I have in my life I had to go and lay some of those problems on someone else. I really wish that I could take it all back but I can't. I can't fix it either because I think that I'm right.... and in a way I am. Compromise is something that will not work in this situation... I need to stop being a weepy female..but I can't..... I need a vacation.. Hopefully Christmas Break will be better than the last 4 months.

Focus.....

I'm completely losing focus....
Can't get it together I have atleast three more weeks in school before I can relax.... I hoping that this mental break over the Thanksgiving Holiday will be enough to shake off the blinders... but I'm not sure.
Couldn't make it to class today...only made one and that was biochem because I can't miss that one ( my teacher is a little loopy.) But hey I'm trying to make a good impression....
I hope that I can get this thing under control... if anyone has any recommendations on how to regain focus let me know.

School... I wish it was all over

One time early this semester I said that I didn't believe that I was suffering from Senioritis... but now I believe that I am...

I just want everything to be over.(school wise I mean) I want to sleep in and read a good book( other than a textbook) and go to the movies with my friends and just enjoy hanging out with them....
It's more than just school though because I know that I would have time for some of those things listed above it it wasn't for my jobs. All I can really think about is the fact that in a few short months I will be able to say goodbye to everything and REST!!!. Until then I'm stuck feeling tired and working my butt off.
So speaking of Graduation I'm starting to get prepared turning in all of my paperwork... and getting my medical school applications together.
You know what I just looked at my picture and I realized that I was kinda greasy looking on my birthday... ( I really should take that picture down)... Ok I'll stop being so vain.
My mother called me to tell me to start preparing for the mass invasion of all my relatives coming in for my graduation.... so I asked her who all was coming.
She starts naming names and going on and on about different friends and family and I was beginning to get overwhelmed.... all I could think about was where are all of these people going to stay that weekend.. I mean my apartment is only so large.
So talking to some of my homegirls later on that day and I find out that almost all of the hotels are booked for that weekend...... ( Nightmare)
So now I have to search through the yellowpages for hotels rooms at the various hotels for that weekend and I still have no clue how many people are coming down here for the graduation. My job situation is still a little out of control but I'm going to fix that reall sooon.

Its My Birthday

WoooHooo.....
It's My birthday the one day of the year when I don't have to care about anyone elses feelings because this is my day.....
I have received some many well wishes today and I can truly say that I am blessed to have as many friends as I do...
I won't write long because I have work to do but this is me on my day..... so bow down...heeee

Knowing where your Problems Lie

I've spent the last couple of days trying to figure out whats wrong with the life that I am leading. Am I overworked, tired, stressed, and cranky;or am I just being tried by the devil and this is just a test to see how well I perform.
My answer came today in the form of a message. The problems that I have are not problems of the flesh... but represent the struggle within myself, the ultimate struggle of redemption and acceptance. What I had forgotten was that I am a child of God, and no man can stand against me because I am covered in the full mantle of his glory.
So the message that I proclaim today is that everything that I do.. I do because I want to and in infinite grace.. were it not his will that I do this then it would not be done.

Someone said to me today that when I'm ready to do something, ready to move on, and someone was to ask me what I was ready to do I would be able to say Yes, strong and sure, that this is the choice and direction that I am ready to make. So I'm stepping back, closing out, and listening to God. I have been ignoring his call to listen and now I have to tune out the world and tune him in. He and only He is the light of my path.... so if I cannot see and I do not listen how can I find my way.

Today I decided to let go of some baggage... at one time I felt like I had to announce this, I felt like I needed answers to forgive.... but you know what?
I don't....

So while I'm reflecting this is a picture that I took outside my door..... Tranquility is infinitely available if you only look.

Now if I could just get the air fixed in my apartment I would be straight....

Another Great Friday

So I finished one of my labs... but not the other... Oh Well. I'm trying to do better but having these two jobs are killing me...
I think God is trying to send me signs that it is time to quit but it is just one of those things were you just want to keep holding on. Like when your favorite pet becomes horribly ill and you know that you should take it to the vet and have it put to sleep but you just can't. So you let it drag around the house slowing dying so that you can enjoy just a few more days or weeks with the animal... Oh well.

So back to ranting about men.. (You know this is my favorite pastime)
I was talking to someone who seemed promising and he just turned around and messed it all up last night.
So I was texting him..( forever the quintessential college student) ... just to see if he wanted to go out on Sunday ( seeing as this is the only time that I would have free time) So the next thing i know he is sending me a message talking about he is already talking with someone.
This kinda threw me for a loop, but hey I can roll with the punches and I let it roll off my back. No biggy.. we had only known each other for maybe two weeks nothing invested there...... but
You knew there had to be a But
But just as I was brushing this off and heading on to brighter pastures I get another message that states that He has only been talking to her for about a week.... I don't know maybe I'm sensitive.... or just down right mean.. because at this point I took offense.
One could look at this situation and think maybe he was just trying to let me know that he wasn't a dog and had just decided after we first meet that he wanted to become official with this person.
But I decided that this comment was personal and shouldn't have been made ( so sue me), anyway so at this point I get upset and decide that he is a small jerk and is making personal attacks so he loses all of his prior points. ( Don't ask me about my reasoning... I don't wish to discuss it at this time) Anyway I'm falling back to my bench for awhile.....
(And if certain people are reading this and feel that they are on the bench trust me.... your not... I personally tell you when your benched so that you can decide if you wish to stay there or not.)
Men... I tell you.
But hey it is Friday.

My Boss!!!!!!!

So here I am just minding my own business trying to complete some work and surf the internet.. and this guys walks into the office and ask to speak to my Supervisor..
So of course I'm thinking this is some contractor or other working ( probably trying to get one of their bills paid) and so we tell him that she is in a meeting.
Well he asks where the meeting is because he is supposed to be there.... (at this point I'm thinking that he is one of the maintenance men because I don't know all of them). So I get up and proceed to escort him upstairs to the study room above the office. Along the way he proceeds to introduce himself and this is when I find out that he is THE BOSS. The man that signs my checks and I didnt know who he was...... oh well I hope I made a good impression.