Boundaries

So where is my motivation? In the next couple of days I will have to start living my life on someone else’s schedule.  There won’t be time to put together any of the things that I really need for school, so when will I find the time. I really need to learn to be a little more selfish about my time. My mother thinks that I need to run to see my grandmother everyday. But unfortunately I haven’t been living my life like that for the last four years and I can’t begin to do that now. Don’t get me wrong I am not saying that I don’t want to see my grandmother, but I am saying that I am not going to do it everyday.
The other thing is my general procrastination. I can’t seem to shake it but I’m going to have to.
I ordered my DSL today. I was hoping that they would have more discounts but they didn’t. This means that in a week I will be able to be online a lot more. Hooray.
I have been spending the last couple of days trying to re-connect with my friends here in Mobile. We seems so different, our lives over the last couple of years have diverged so much. I know that it is possible to cope with these changes but I am not sure how these friends are going to fit into the “new” me.  The things that I am reaching for they will not or cannot understand.
I was talking to my mother and she mentioned the fact that my neighbor asked her what he had done because he felt that I never talk to him anymore. The background information to this situation is that we used to date and he told my sister over a month ago that he was going to marry me if I act right…. Funny right.

Anyway the problem is that he doesn’t do anything for me anymore. We are in two totally different places. I can’t visualize him anywhere in my future and right now that is what I really need to be looking at who can fit into my future.
He doesn’t have a job, sits around the house all day, and he is friends with one of my other ex’s and I refuse to have ex drama.
He seems so hurt when I see him…. And it didn’t help that I saw him before my mother told me about this conversation and he spoke but all I did was wave. But I don’t want encourage him anyway.

I need to get out and explore the city so that I can find places to hang-out. I need to meet new and interesting people who do not reside in my neighborhood.  Possibly the love of my life is out there somewhere sitting in a café with a good book…. Waiting for me to walk through the door and strike up interesting conversation. Hahaha. I really crack myself up. God I need a boyfriend….. at least then I can talk about the relationship and not about the things that trifling boys do.
Peaces…..