Christmas....

With the holidays so quickly approaching I think that it is only right that I take the time to look back upon my finances for the year. It was my goal that I end the year on a bright note with less debt than I went into the year with.
Unfortunately that is not occurring... but hey I was able to capture another paying job and get an increase at my current.... that definitely counts as an increase for the year......

So my extreme goals for the end of the year are as follows:
1. Spend less
2. Pay-down some credit cards
3. Improve my credit score
4. Purchase a Rabbit for my apartment. (shhh... don't tell I'm not supposed to have animals.)
5. Clean my room....

These are by no means New Year Resolutions ( those will be coming later) just things that I feel that I need to accomplish.... don't you hate when you work too much and you still feel the need to make more money... maybe im just greedy.

Life Lessons Learned....

This poem is for those life lessons learned:

We were just friends
although in my world I was his girl
and I would pretend to be his wife
sayin shit like
"there's only so many years in a woman's life..."
so I gave him three
yet he had the audacity
to step to me on some donnell jones
"where I wanna be" type shit
it wasn't supposed to be like this
he hit me with the forehead kiss
told me life was a journey
and that he was ready to explore this shit
I was pissed
to me he was a hypocrite
like a fake preacher in a pulpit
and he left me sick
no he didn't choose me
and that doesn't make him right nor wrong
and I made him the epitome of my life
that doesn't make me wrong nor right
like I said
I WAS HIS FRIEND, NOT HIS WIFE.
and maybe had I acted
within that capacity
this would've been "just one of those things"
instead of a fuckin' tragedy.
and all that time I spent mad at him
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN MAD AT ME.
after all I was the one that gave him keys to my house
and let him hang things in my closet
just in case we went out
not to mention washin all his dirty clothes
just to make a full load
and lettin him finish all the leftovers
so the food wouldn't go old
for the times that we raw dogged
cuz he lost all the rubbers
and cuz I showed him more support than his own
father brother sister and mother
and just cuz those same people dial my number
when they tryna get in touch
and cuz he receives mail at my address
cuz he be here so much
got total control of the remote control
to the TV, dvd and radio
and even though his name is not on my lease
he got shit in my house that's off limits to me
like his side of MY BED
and his stash of weed
BUT NONE OF THIS OBLIGATES HIM TO ME
because not once did we exchange vows
and IF I KNEW THEN WHAT I KNOW NOW
I probably would've listened
when he said it was some shit he had to
get up out his system
but I was too busy bitchin
jumpin bad like I was gon' hit him
cuz in the back of my mind
all I could fathom was how bad I was gonna miss him
but just because I'm cryin doesn't mean that I'm the victim
just means I was scared to let him go
cuz some other chick might get him
and that was my fault cuz it was my decision
I SHOULD HAVE NEVER PUT MY HEART IN MY MIND'S POSITION
but I couldn't shake him
he was like a bad habit
AND ALL THIS FOR A NIGGA WHO WAS JUST AVERAGE
DOING AVERAGE NIGGA SHIT
like talkin' out the side of his neck
and thinkin with his dick
but I must admit he was the one I wanted to commit to
so either I wasn't living up to my potential
or I was just the average chick
but I choose to believe I was a woman
caught up in a feeling both physical and emotional
who was way too willing to give her all to a man
and though it may sound stupid
I WOULD DO IT ALL AGAIN
JUST NEXT TIME, FOR MY HUSBAND
AND NOT THAT NIGGA I CALL MY FRIEND.

Sometimes you have to stop feeling guilty and realize that that nigga ain't bout shit and never was..... I didn't write this poem but it flows like the situation that I was in... but now I'm older, wiser and not settling for nothing but the best.... I something like this happened to you please comment.... all men aren't bad... they just aren't sure how to be good.

Last Week of School

Well this is the last week of school before Fall semester finals. I can't believe that it is finally over and that I am just that much closer to graduation. (remind me that I said this in a month or two). So many of the goals that I have set out to accomplish this semester are in the works but unclear of an outcome... Hopefully something good will come from them.

So going into finals I have two classes where I have 89s as my average pre-final. Not that safe 90 but an 89. God has smiled on me this week and I hope that he continues to do so next week.

Anyway i'm praying many blessings for everyone as Finals week Fall 2k5 Comes around...
Keep yah Head up!!!!